Wow!! It’s been a year since my last post. It’s amazing how time can get away from you when you’re not paying attention.
Ironically enough my last post is titled, “If I Only Had 12 Months”….
Don’t get worked up, the family is all good but we did have HUGE health scare with BB. Every mother worries from time to time what will happen if the kids get sick. It’s natural and normal and I think part of what brings out the Mama Bear in us. I never considered what would happen if my husband… my best friend… the person who keeps me grounded and gives me strength got sick.
BB hadn’t been feeling well for a while but a lot of his symptoms didn’t seem related and honestly could be attributed to getting a little older (you know I love ya honey :), having a heavy work schedule, and having a number of kids in the house. BB and I went to see a few doctor’s, starting with our family doctor. She referred us to an ENT/sinus specialist who ordered a CAT Scan of his brain. Then we were sent to a neurosurgeon and I started to get really scared.
On April 7th 2011 our lives changed forever. We had driven hours away to a world-renowned hospital for pituitary diseases. BB was given the diagnoses of Acromegaly and we were told he had a tumor the size of a black olive on his pituitary. He needed brain surgery. In that moment, on that day, I thought he was going to die. Writing this I’m getting choked up because the sheer thought of losing BB is too much for me to handle. On that day I let my mind wander and I tried to picture A and C growing up without a father. I knew A was too young, if BB DID die, A wouldn’t remember him. Then I decided the outcome I had worked myself up over was an impossibility and we were all going to come through this fine.
Over the next few months, we had many visits at the hospital with an endocrinologist, neurosurgeon, and ENT. They are all fabulous doctor’s who really know their stuff. Because the hospital isn’t local, each time we needed to go for a visit was an all day trip. Some visits we got reassuring news and I felt myself calming down. Other trips we seemed to be bombarded with scary information. I excused myself to cry in the lady’s room more than once because I needed to stay strong for BB.
He was my rock, he really was…. I felt bad because he was the one that was sick, but I was the one who was falling to pieces.
June 1st, the morning of his surgery, we had to be there at 5:30am. I hadn’t slept the night before, thinking of all the things that could go wrong, what I would do if he didn’t make it out of surgery, hoping that everything would turn out fine. The nurses took him back to get ready for the surgery and then myself and his parents were allowed back to give reassuring hugs and to tell him we’d see him in a few hours. I jokingly told him maybe he’d luck out and get a really cute nurse. Then I held him tighter than I did on our wedding day and told him that there was no other option but to pull through. The kids needed him, I needed him, and he wasn’t done yet. I gave him a kiss and walked back to the waiting room.
The surgery only took a few hours and everything went really well. They got all the tumor they could see and only time would tell whether or not the Acromegaly got better, stayed the same, or got worse. The tumor was not cancerous (99% of Acromegaly tumor’s are non cancerous). His Type 2 diabetes would be monitored but should improve (diabetes, another symptom of Acromegaly). He stayed in the hospital for 3 nights and 4 days, where I spent maybe a total of 18 hours at the hotel and the rest in a chair in his hospital room. I had never seen him so weak. BB is the one that holds me together, not the other way around. A stayed with my in-law’s for that week and the girl’s stayed with their dad and step-mom.
The next 9 weeks BB was out of work and there were a lot of follow-up visits at the hospital.
We decided that since he couldn’t go to work and it was summer, we’d take the kids to the beach often and spend as much family time together as possible. We are lucky enough to have family with a beach house, so we didn’t have to worry with the expense of a hotel. I figured out how to juggle the kids and BB’s recovery and how to take care of myself so that I didn’t have a nervous breakdown. We have a lot of wonderful memories from this past summer 🙂
In August BB was released to go back to work and the beginning of September the 3 older kids all started schools. Everyone is doing great and for the most part, life has resumed to “normal”. Except for 1 thing. We don’t take a-ny-thing for granted anymore. Ever.
BB is managing his Acromegaly and diabetes with medication (and diet, lifestyle changes, ect). He’s feeling much better and seems happier overall than I’ve seen him in a long time.
We know that his tumor could grow back… or my fibromyalgia could flare up… or one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Nothing is forever and today may be all we have. With that in mind we ARE living everyday as if it’s our last.
A is still home with me during the day (although we are checking out preschool’s) and instead of rushing him into *big kid-ness*, I’m enjoying his stories and songs and lengthy discussions about dinosaurs. G started high school and while she still thinks I know nothing, I’m taking the time to listen to her talk about her friends and boys she likes and why she doesn’t like History. B is coming out of her shell and really trying to figure out who she is. Watching her turn into a young lady is amazing. BB is the love of my life and my best friend, but I’ve learned to take time for me and stand on my own two feet.
Heck, I recently started kickboxing lessons… LOL
So, I’ll ask you one more time….. If you only had 12 more months, what would you do with them? Why aren’t you doing them now?
Live ~ Laugh ~ Love